The BELIEVER

Didymus stared into the darkness as deep thoughts consumed him. The past weekend and its craziness replayed in his mind and no matter how hard he tried to fall asleep — he couldn’t. The last time he had felt this way was when Nicodemus his twin brother had died in a rebellion three years ago. Didymus’ mind drifted back to that period. It had been complete darkness. He recalled when Nico joined the rebels and how much he had begged his brother. He had tried to reason with Nico. He was also tired of the oppression and unfairness of Roman imperialism but he had seen so much wickedness that he dared not oppose them violently. This is what he had tried to convince Nico of but Nico wouldn’t hear him. The day Nico had died, Didymus was working a field for one of the synagogue leaders when a messenger ran up to him with news of Nico’s death. Thomas had never felt so hopeless before. It was the darkest season for him — a little darker than the present time. He and Nico had been twins in every sense of the word. Nico had come out first, so their mother said and when an hour later Thomas showed up, everyone resorted to calling him Didymus — which was the pet name for twin. After Nico’s death, Didymus insisted on being called his own name — Thomas because Didymus brought a painful sting of reality always.

Thomas sighed at the memory. The first month after Nicos death had been the most painful. First the Romans refused to release the body for a proper burial and then it was just plain painful. Morning and Night were the same full of gloom. Till what would be one of the most remarkable events of his life happened — when he met Jesus of Nazareth. Thomas had been strolling by the sea of Galilee when he witnessed a significant encounter. A man named Jesus of Nazareth who had been gathering crowds spoke to Simon a popular fisherman and told him to cast his net. Simon responded by saying he had caught nothing all night but eventually casted his net and what happened still gives Thomas chills till today — Simon caught so much fish his net started to break. And the man named Jesus said, ‘Follow me and I will make you fishers of man’. Thomas still can’t explain it but something in him gravitated towards the man and he followed too. And so started a 3-year journey which abruptly ended — or so it seems — three days ago.

For most of his journey following Jesus, Thomas didn’t really understand why he was following. He was just attracted to the beauty and signs he had seen and also the very abstract things Jesus of Nazareth said. Some in particular struck him like the sayings on being the Resurrection and the Life and those who abiding in him never dying. Did that mean he would see Nico again? Sometimes he thought Jesus was crazy but he followed still. Both thoughts collided few weeks ago when Lazarus died and rose again.

They had been across the Jordan having just barely escaped stoning to death in Jerusalem when a message came about Lazarus’ severe illness. Thomas had instantly been scared that Jesus would turn back and definitely be stoned because of how much he loved Lazarus and the sisters but he had acted all cool till two days later when he announced they would be going back to Jerusalem. Jesus was definitely crazy Thomas thought as the others reasoned with Jesus but Jesus wouldn’t listen. Then Jesus said Lazarus was dead and it was good he wasn’t there and they needed to go to him. Thomas had sarcastically said “Let us go that we may die with him”. As soon as they got to Bethany Martha wept and Jesus repeated his saying about Resurrection and Life to her. Then the same repeated with Mary. Then Jesus asked for where Lazarus had died and when they got to the tomb he wept. Then Jesus ordered the stone rolled. Martha had beat Thomas into stating how unwise that was seeing Lazarus had been dead four days. Thomas had wondered how insensitive Jesus was at that moment but it was Jesus so he watched. Then Jesus called Lazarus and out in burial clothes came a man. Lazarus was alive. That Night Thomas had not slept at all. He had seen Jesus do the impossible but raise a Dead man? That was crazy. Did that mean Jesus could have raised Nico? And what Jesus had said about the resurrection. So, there was a high chance he would see Nico again. That was the Hope that rose in Thomas heart until four days ago.

Four Days ago, in the Garden of Gethsemane after a wonderful dinner, Jesus had been arrested. Taking from all they’d seen they expected him to regain freedom and they all ran away with the exception of Simon and John their leaders. Personally, Thomas would have followed them but seeing the Roman soldiers and remembering Nico, fear had overcome him and he believed Jesus would be back by morning. But the next day Jesus was sentenced to crucifixion and then crucified. When John brought the news home Thomas had been crushed. Jesus was dead. How could Jesus die? How could the man who performed a million miracles and resurrected Lazarus die? Were the last 3 years of his life a lie? What would be his purpose for living now? From Friday night through Saturday Thomas didn’t sleep at all. None of the Apostles did and everyone sorted through their thoughts in silence.

Yesterday morning, Thomas woke up and tried to convince Andrew and Nathaniel to take a walk with him, clear their minds but they declined. So, he left alone well covered for fear and spent the whole day walking around the city. He got back at Evening and met the room in a state of pandemonium — everybody was excited. He managed to calm Nathaniel down to ask what had happened and he said Jesus had just appeared to them. Then Peter and John and Mary gave the story of an empty grave and gardener turned Jesus. As they were speaking, two disciples burst in with a story of a man who knew history well walking with them en-route Emmaus who happened to be Jesus. Thomas listened to them all and knew they had to be crazy. What tale was this? How could Jesus be alive? How could a man endure crucifixion and make it out? Thomas had sworn in his heart to not believe this tale unless he saw Jesus. He was still dealing with the thought that Jesus might have been a scam and ran out of whatever magic he was operating on then this.

The whole week it was impossible to remain with the others — they were just too excited. So, Thomas basically left the house every morning and returned by night. The questions about who Jesus was and how his resurrection was possible irritated him. He couldn’t explain it but probably they were all delusional or finding it hard to process grief. Simon especially although excited looked very troubled. The first day of the week came and Thomas was breaking bread with the 10 when Suddenly Jesus stood amongst them and said ‘Peace be with you’. Thomas was stunned. Then Jesus walked to him and opened his hands asking Thomas to examine and see the marks on his hands and on his side. In that moment, what had happened when he met Jesus happened again but with more power and conviction this time — This man was no ordinary man — he was the Christ! And this was the truth. Thomas knelt and exclaimed ‘My lord and My God!’

That evening as Thomas lay to sleep and recounted the last week, he felt joy and peace unprecedented. One week ago, he had been angry with the others for adding salt to his injury by claiming Jesus was alive. He had been wondering if Jesus was a scam or they had all been under a spell but today he was convinced without bounds — that Jesus of Nazareth was the messiah. He had defeated death. And because of that life would have no end and perhaps he might see Nico again.