The Journey to Identity 3
I think this is going to be the last segment of this story and probably the most instructive. I’ll name this one a Paradox of persons. Gradually I have become a paradox. So much my twitter name is ‘The Young Uncle’ because it most captures my reality.
Like stated in my last post I started having wins and affirmation from older people early on. I fast became the boy wiser than his age. I mean at 19 not yet 20 I delivered a Public Lecture and smashed it — from then its been one publicity to another. Last year we were involved in the #COVID19FOODDRIVEJOS and #JEBBUMIANGOREADS. Because of the things I do people who are just knowing me always find it hard to agree with my age. Hardly a day or two goes by that I don’t argue with someone and try to convince them I’m 22. Coincidentally or unfortunately I have a funny sense of fashion. Let me explain myself small here (Even though this post is about not having to). Due to the physical issues I hate tight clothing which you people have made a fashion trend because it increases pain and stress. Jeans are in this category. I also do not like shoes because they cause distress too hence my affiliation with palm sandals and tradi and trousers. And then by Gods wisdom and providence I have an extra chromosome of sense and can sound all wise and mature. By God’s grace I dey catch book fast fast again what they term ‘intelligent’. And to cap it at 20 years of age my hairline assisted by genetics and wrong gado decided to Michael Jackson. These are the things that amalgamated to my being Uncle Shamed.
I won’t lie it hasn’t always been fun. It used to pain me a lot and still does sometimes when people Uncle me. People just use it to catch cruise and some days I want to be the 22-year-old. Most times I actually enjoy being the 28-year-old (someone recently said that’s my age). I tend to think more seriously than I should and take life too seriously but I can’t run from the truth. I’m a kid. If I try to be my normal age around you biko let me be don’t jump start me into Uncle Mode.
Being a paradox of a person had been a tough identity crisis. Its hard for me to get people who I can submit to and learn from and glean and all because when I go near people they sort of set the roles the other way. I become the wiser one and the one to be learned from. It has also put a lot of pressure on me. I get sad and depressed a lot but I’ve had to develop mechanisms to snap out of it almost immediately because ‘others depend on me’. I always have to watch my steps and actions double because ‘people are watching’ and as much I’ve tried to disabuse myself from the affirmation of men I am still very cautious and even biblically should be. A plus side is it has fuelled my growth spiritually and otherwise because knowing people will always look for answers from me has made me work extra at growth.
I have a Messiah Complex. God dealt with a chunk of it in December but it still abounds. I love being the hero. I wrote of trying to figure out my purpose. I soon found out I was humanitarian in nature and everything I did flowed from it. As much as I tried to strip myself from the glory and praise of men, almost everything I do from Food Drives to Volunteering has an element of my selfishness inside — I do them to feel affirmed of myself. Being able to help people became part of my identity. I hate knowing I could help and didn’t. Year by year my friends write posts to celebrate how I came through for them at the last minute or helped them do stuff. Honestly, I love to help but I did it to feel self-affirmed and useful in Gods earth. This Christmas someone I specially prided myself over being there for got struck by a tragedy and I was unable to be there. Non-Coincidentally because I think God wanted me to learn a lesson I feel terribly sick with what is almost definitely the plague that week and I couldn’t be there. I felt horrible. It felt like death. One more strand of my identity away but here’s what God wanted me to learn and you too fellow Christian/thought leader and humanitarian personality — God does not need me. He can choose to use me but he mustn’t. God will help the people in your life through any way he chooses. You are not superman and he doesn’t need help running the universe.
At the end of this post I’d just like to say a few things:
1. You are Free to Chose who you want to be. You have to decide. I eventually decided to be the young uncle and I struggle some days but most days I love it. Chose who you want to be today. Forget the world eventually they have to accept who you are.
2. To THINE own Self — and God be True. Shakespeare famously said ‘To Thine Own Self be True’. I added and God. Be authentic. Don’t be pressured. Examine everything and choice by yourself and God. If its good roll. If it’s not don’t! and
3. YOU OWE NO MAN AN EXPLANATION. Do not feel pressured to always explain yourself. Yes, you (should) have people you are accountable to but ultimately na you and God. If you tether yourself to mans approval and need for explanation, in the words of Lecrae, “You Live for their acceptance — you die from their rejection”. (The person you are accountable to should understand this).
4. Never be static. To me a Christian is someone in a constant process of growth. Allow God transform you Everytime. Maintain a healthy distrust of yourself my BSF notes said. Always be out for what character you need to grow and let God do it. Let the gardener prune. Through my story you can see Gods pruning. Be teachable and also accountable to some.
5. Again, Identity is a journey. Consistently guard your heart.
You are as worthy as anyone else of LOVE and everything else. BE YOU 100% and shine on!
The Grace and Peace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
